This past weekend at Mass, the gospel we heard proclaimed came from Matthew 28:16-20. It’s the account of the Great Commission, at which Jesus tells his followers to “Go—and make disciples of all nations—” Earlier in the passage, we hear that when Jesus’s disciples ‘all saw him they worshiped, but they doubted’.
Doubted? DOUBTED? What the heck?!
These people knew Jesus, journeyed with Jesus, witnessed the miracles, were present at his death, were there when he appeared post-resurrection—and they still doubted? Well, if that’s the case, I think you and I, with our occasional (or maybe not so occasional) moments of doubt, are doing just fine.
I bring this up because I’m embarrassed to say that, despite my many opportunities to model for others what a faithful Christian person is supposed to be, I sometimes allow myself to be consumed with the what ifs. It’s the death spiral I alluded to in a previous JJJ post—
What if Erin’s apparent love for me is just her tolerating me?
What if we majorly screw something up as parents, but run out of time to do anything about it once we discover the problem?
What if something happens to Erin or one of the kids?
What if I lose my job?
What if Oddwalk bookings dry up?
What if everyone else discovers what I already know, that, at the end of the day, I’m just a hack whose only real talent is making people think I’m smart and talented.
There are a thousand more what ifs where these came from.
I hate when those thoughts creep in, because I know they are not of God. No one who has seen God at work, as I have, should ever worry about or doubt anything. But I do.
As you know, our pastor died suddenly this past November. And while for the last six months we have been led well by our Deacon and a visiting priest, our parish knew the day would come that we would have a new pastor assigned to us. As I saw the announcement date approaching, I tried to be hopeful and positive, but I’ll admit I was a little worried, too. I know quite a few priests in our diocese, or at least know of them. Many of them would be awesome. There are a small handful, though, that I think would not be a good fit for our community and, selfishly, for me, so I was a little nervous. And then came the announcement—
Fr. Joseph Abah
What? Who is that? I’m not sure I’d ever even heard that name before. I was all geared up to react to a name I knew. This made me even more anxious. As soon as I could, I started asking around. Thankfully, everyone said wonderful things about him and is happy for us that we are getting such a good priest.
Oh, good. Thank you, God. Perhaps I shouldn’t worry so much. Maybe God has this (and so much else) under control.
So, apparently not much has changed since the time of the Great Commission. Apparently there are still people (like me, for instance) who believe they are close to Jesus, spend time worshiping Jesus, but harbor doubts and are reluctant to put their full trust in Jesus. Jesus knows this, though, and calls us anyway. Jesus would prefer our full faith and trust, but knows we are works in progress, and chooses send us anyway. So, as the flawed, self-absorbed, and occasionally faithless faithful that we are, let us go (together) and make disciples of all nations.
-Shannon