Borrowed from portraitofapriest and as heard on Wait Wait —
Actual greeting cards that were rejected by Hallmark for publication:
A big smiley face on the outside of the card and on the inside is written: Hi! Welcome back from your coma!
A Christmas card with “Spread some holiday cheer!” on the outside. On the inside: “Or drink alone. Who am I to judge?”
A birthday card, on the outside: “My ex-girlfriend had a cat she called Love because she said that’s what it gave her.” On the inside: “So I called it bloody forearms. Hope no one gives you a cat for your birthday.”
A Mother’s day card. Outside: “When I think of you, Mom, I swell with pride.” Inside: “At least I hope it’s pride. Otherwise, I’m pregnant again.”
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